Blur

In this time, at this day and age, people seem to have less and less time for things they want to do. And even for things they need to do.

Sleeping at twelve, waking up at six, going out to the hospital every other day, attending classes, staying late till seven at school about twice a month, getting home late about three times a week, starving myself without enough food, gorging on food in the weekend – everything in my life is just a simple blur.

In the summer of my junior year in high school, I knew my being overweight was a serious problem. I wanted to be a doctor in the future. A good doctor – not a hypocritical one who helps people and advises people to have healthier lives while being unfit and unhealthy myself. I wanted to be a good example to my sister. I wanted to live long enough to achieve my dreams and then spend time doing all the things I want to do.

For four years, I achieved my goal of remaining the same weight, but in the sophomore year of high school, I suddenly gained a lot of weight.

It didn’t show much, but the scale did not lie.

I was becoming unhealthy. Sometimes when I moved, I realized I was wheezing.

So that summer I made progress. Exercised. Lost some weight.

I was proud of myself, but ever since then, my weight has remained more or less the same, losing weight, gaining weight, losing weight, gaining weight. It was an endless and painful cycle.

Then a thought hit me.

If my life is really becoming such a distorted blur at such a young age, what would happen?

I used to be fit. Mentally. Psychologically. Physically.

But now the most menial tasks were hard.

I used to kick so high, I could hit my father’s head – and that was when I was nine. I used to be able to do a complete split. I used to punch so hard to make people cry and get out of breath. I used to be the fastest runner in my class. I used to be able to do push-ups on my knuckles, sit-ups in the morning with my father, run laps, and do a bunch of exercises in just one day.

But that time is gone now. My life is a blur, and to prove how fast time is moving for me, I have had no time to do things I need to do, like eating properly, exercising properly, sleeping properly.

Sometimes I fear I will lose everything I have now.

What if I lose my ability to run? What if I lose my ability to defend myself? What if I lose all the knowledge in my mind that I know I will need in the near future?

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