Realistically

Realistically,

I’d be always alone, limited by my concept of love,

And I’ll end up childless or adopting late in life

as I focus on my life and become consumed by my job,

which I should be good at.

 

I’d want a big house to compensate for loneliness.

Apartment hunting (or forced to stay at my parents’).

With a malnourished yard and a pet craving for attention.

And I would tell others I am happy.

 

I’d get take-out food or starve myself.

And always alone, I’d stare at my plate.

I’d constantly visit others for food.

Food would be a surplus, but my heart would be empty.

 

I’d have a car, money, and a child.

Life would be satisfactory.

I’d force a smile on my face.

And it would be okay.

 

Because of everything I’d have.

Because of friends and family.

Because everyone can dream.

So ideally

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Ideally

Ideally,

I’d be married to someone I love.

And I’d have a kid or maybe two

as I juggle my life and my job,

which I should be good at and happy with.

 

I’d have a house big enough for family.

A house I paid for myself, not my parents.

With a nice yard for a pet or two or three.

And I would be settled and happy.

 

I’d get good food and a spouse that can cook.

And together as family, we’d eat together.

We’d eat with more family sometimes.

Food would be ample, and all would be merry.

 

I’d have a card, money, and family.

Life would be fulfilling.

I’d have a smile on my face.

And it would be great.

 

Because of everything I’d have.

Because of friends and family.

Because everyone can dream.

But realistically

Empty Mirror

The world spins as I stand in complete darkness, the ground vibrating with each passing second. An oval mirror from my far left suddenly zooms to me, forcing me to look at myself.

Except I’m not there.

I place my hand on the glass mirror – blank and pure dark – until another hand from the other side of the glass holds mine.

A deathly cold hand.

That looks like my own. And I’m scared if I go closer, there’ll be some woman on the other side that appears, empty look in her face, devoid of life in her eyes – an empty shell. But I know this is true.

Because I am my own ghost who can no longer recognize myself.

Ultimate Fear

What scares me? Ha…

If we’re talking normal, everyday things, then social situations, eyedrops, etc. If we’re digging deeper, then my future. But if we’re saying my ultimate fear…

It’s forgetting.

Forgetting myself. My memories. My life. My everything.

And forgetting my stories. My characters.

The personalities, histories, dramas, worlds, and people I created.

I fear.

And that is why I write.

20 Random Facts About Me

  1. I’m violent and scary on the inside and outside if you annoy me enough (wow, what a way to start the list).
  2. It actually takes quite a lot to make me angry.
  3. It takes me even longer to act on anger.
  4. I usually volunteer myself in undesirable things (e.g. first shot [it was a hospital thing], first practical exam, first presentation in class) to get it over with though people thing I’m just amazing.
  5. I’m addicted to I like anime.
  6. I like Hetalia so much it deserves another number.
  7. I know some Spanish, some Tagalog, some Italian, and more but am not fluent in any other language but English.
  8. I’m Filipino, born in the USA.
  9. I studied CPR in eighth grade while my dad was a CPR instructor.
  10. I shocked my class in my typing skills (20 WPM to 75 WPM after a week) but didn’t tell them it was from texting (I was eleven, and people usually got phones at 16 or so at the time).
  11. I once had hair below my hip.
  12. I once had hair up to the top of my ear – no, I didn’t want it that short.
  13. I couldn’t believe the most popular guy in my middle school liked me and accepted it too late when he already moved on.
  14. I prank-called a guy with my best friend at 2 AM. He called back. My friend’s mom picked up.
  15. I have been a Microsoft Office Specialist (MOS) in Microsoft Office 2010 products… since eighth grade.
  16. I became certified in CPR my junior year of high school… I still have to renew that.
  17. My family has a history of diabetes, hypertension, and all that good stuff.
  18. I want to be a cardiologist.
  19. I live in one of the top 5 most obese areas in the United States.
  20. I have little to no social skills.

So, I haven’t been posting in a long time, and I’m sorry. 😣 I’ve just had so much to do for a few weeks now. Like learning to drive in a new city, learning to live by myself, learning to take care of a living being (my dog ❤️️), learning to take care of a plant (and I haven’t been doing well on that one), learning to time manage, and learning to just… adult. And go to college with good grades to maintain my scholarship (yeah, I need help in this one).

But, here it is! I posted something! Continue reading